Knowing thy self

Who am I? Did you ask this question to yourself?

If you do. Then, you don't know yet yourself. 

In my 20 years of living on Earth. I can say that I have lots of question about human behavior. 
How does environment affect their social lifestyle. How their parents nurtured them. What do they do in return. Do they felt sorry for the efforts of their parents just to sustain their needs. Apparently, I am talking about youth of today. Behavior is the most unpredictable thing on Earth. It has a lot of variety. Well, it's still depends on the person itself.

The most terrifying enemy is yourself. Identity versus confusion. This stage occurs during adolescence between the ages of approximately 12 to 18. Teens need to develop a sense of self and personal identity. During this stage, adolescents explore their independence and develop a sense of self.

I want to share my own argument with myself:
me: "I hate this feeling."
inner me: "Then, stop doing that thing!"
me: "But I really want to know more!"
inner me: "You are such a moth! You already knew from the start that it will hurt but you still end up on scanning those things!"
me: "I don't know what to do! Please help me!"
inner me: "Before you ask for my help, help yourself first!"
me: "Why does my heart keep on hurting me?"
inner me: "Your heart didn't do anything. It is you who hurt your feelings!"
me: "Whom you really prejudiced? We are one! You must help me!"
inner me: "Your are so selfish!"
me: "NO! I'm not!"
inner me: "You are! You are being biased to everyone! You hate being left but you don't say a word at all! How can you explain it to someone if you are just keeping it to yourself! You are idle to talk but you don't want to be hurt! What are you expecting at? People don't have a mind reader where you can just sit there and let other people read you thoughts !!"
me: *speechless*

<end of conversation>

From there, I can hardly say that even myself has its own ideas that contradicts mine. Well, all we have to do is to let our self engage in many activities, and observed of how we react with our social life.

-YUKI

Do you really know your self?

Who am I? This is the most terrifying question on Earth. Do really someone out there don't know their self yet?!
As my experience, I can say that in my 20 years of living on earth, I don't

Hey there! it's sunday.

How do you find yourself? Isn't it so ridiculous to ask "WHO REALLY AM?

Moderateness

Yes, I know what I have promised! It was just...... Naaah ~ x.x

It's hard!! It was SO HARD! I can't imagine myself playing with those games! Who the hell are you thinking to be friends with your former amour!? Tss :/

It hurts me when you commented to her posts, likes her posts and etc. Call me greedy but I don't care! To hell I care!! Can't you grasp my feelings? Can't you notice my actions!? Gosh! What the hell are you thinking, that it is ok? That I can take all those pain? That I can BE STAY CALM even when i'm not? Grr! Yes I concede I am the one to blame. I am the one who made my aches. But that was because I have the reason above all.

Ok! I know what to do. I definitely know what to do. But my heart is so hard to manipulate. It says lots of "WHAT IFs...". Maybe I'm insecure. Yes, I'm insecure! But at some point, my inner me says that there is nothing for me to be insecure with anyone else, because God made us special INDIVIDUALLY!! So I just lift my forehead up and continue the journey. Hays!  How long would it be :/

Knowing You

It was a very exhausted day! MIDTERM is sick!! Oh well we have to study hard because we will be taking up our SOCIOLOGY exam tomorrow and I don't know what we'll gonna be our pointers are!?

I really don't know where do this moodiness of mine came from. I don't want to be like this! I hate this feeling!GRR!
Here we go again. We've been keep on arguing with those things. ARGUMENTS LAST! REALLY LAST!

inner me: why you don't just trash the thought and continue your day?
me: I can't help it! I want to be updated but I don't want to be hurt of what would be the outcome of it!
inner me: YOU'RE such a bullshit! Why do I have to keep on reminding you to stop that while you don't listen to me at all!?
me: sorry but I just really want to know about the issue. T_T
inner me: THEN, be ready of what you will know!
me: yeah =)
inner me: stop pretending, you're not cute!
me: Did I ask so? :P
inner me: MOVE ON!
me: why do I have to move on? I'm not broken!
inner me: Yes, literally but emotionally? Naah bet me, you are crushed!
me: I just can't forget what happened the last time we had. It penetrate my personality. How sad. It just that, I come up with the idea of "insecurity" of what she have. But then, I realize how lucky I am today to have more than of what I asked for =)
inner me: I like it when to talk to me like that. As you were talking accordingly to your age LOL :P
me: nyaa ~ :3  suit yourself!
inner me: ILOVEYOU thou you are so unpredictable sometimes.
me: Yeah! My pleasure :P
inner me: So, doubts no more ?
me: mm, sort of.
inner me: C'mon, cheer up. Let your bushers envy you :)
me: Yah!

**

This issue really makes my day vulnerable. Well,the issue is all about a slut who desperately can't get off my BAE. But I'm ok now :) believe me.

--YUKI

Denial

Hey there!
Here we go again. I always have this simple yet so relieving conversation with myself.

me: *not in the mood*
inner me: You know what, everything starts within you!
me: what can I do? I couldn't help it! It makes my mood drawn all around!
inner me: then, if you just keep in silent, does your problem solved? Does the pain diminish?
me: no!
inner me: So what's the plan?
me: I don't want to talk. It's useless!
inner me: then start to embrace the truth that you're looking like a fool!!
me: I don't care! They can't understand me at all!
inner me: That's it!! how can they understand you if you don't say a word??
me: I don't know where to start!
inner me: Start where you drop the madness! 
me:  I can't remember. But I'm okay. Don't mind me. I just need a space.
inner me: Why you can't be just true to your self. Let them know what you really feel! Tell them what really inside you! What's your inclined with!
me: As I told you, they won't understand me! It's just a waste of time. They're busy.
inner me: So, that's it?! You'll gonna live this life till the end? Gosh! For God's sake, wake up! People are changing! They'll be your best FRIENDS as well as they'll become your best ENEMY! You have to accept the consequences. That's life, it is so impossible. It'll drive you crazy if you let it to. Life is like playing cards, you have to bet to find who wins.
me: I'm afraid to lose my last card!
inner me: That's why you have to gamble with it.
me: Call me coward! But I can't afford to lose it!!!
inner me: *sigh*

#ItIsUseless


-YUKI

Helpless

I'm supposedly watching a romantic movie. Suddenly I felt a warm liquid fell down from my eyes then I just haven't noticed that I'm crying out of nothing.

Slowly watching myself in my vulnerable moment. I fell like I have nothing in this world. I missed my mom, I missed my dad. I missed my family. I missed myself. I don't know what to do. This is the most helpless stage in my life. I want someone to talk to, but it looks like there's no one.

Can't you see how this fate play our lives. I'm running out of breath. I want to stop being such a paranoid.  Today is Valentine's day but I don't feel the love. Naah! Who cares!

--YUKI